Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
