dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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