He felt like a one man threesome
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
