I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
