do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
