My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
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