Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
