He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
