An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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