i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
