anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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