If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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