operation harelip BJ is a go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
