So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
