He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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