think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
