so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
