I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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