You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
