dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
