Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
