your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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