I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
