i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
