You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
