i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
