Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
