I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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