Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
