apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
