Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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