We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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