He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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