btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
