You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
