Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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