True but thats because hes a fetus.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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