I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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