lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
