I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
