Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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