When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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