my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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