I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
