did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My balls are so social today.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
