she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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