Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
