Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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