I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
love makes seman taste better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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