How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
