i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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