I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sarcasm needs its own font
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
