I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
