well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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