The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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