No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
