is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
